I’m not exactly sure when it started or where it came from….I definitely equated being busy, being perfect, and being the best as worthy ways to spend time. In other words, I was worthy if I did it all and did it the best or perfectly.
Here’s what I can tell you…I was hustling to do it all and be it all and somehow I felt completely empty. Nothing felt right, and I was exhaustedI now know that this was a time of complete disconnect with my values and with what truly mattered.
I was doing and being everything for one reason…what would others think? Perfectionism at it’s best.
And then everything changed…my husband questioned my priorities and all that truly mattered flashed before my eyes.
What was I doing? What mattered most to me?
And more importantly, how could I get back to the person I knew I was meant to be - the one who wanted to live with authenticity, balance, connection, gratitude, humor, health, learning, organization, optimism, understanding and most importantly the legacy that I wanted to live for my family?
What happened to her? How did everyone else’s opinions become so much more important? How did my sense of worthiness get so mixed up?
So I took a leave from my job to reflect on where I was and where I wanted to be. They weren’t even close. The gap was large! I was terrified!
I tried going back to work, but something inside me knew I was being called to a different path. I quit my job and decided to take courses to become a therapist. I was hoping that I would learn to get back on track and then return to my old life.
Apparently the Universe had a much different plan:
I learned so much about myself
I re-connected with my values and all that mattered to me
I let go of the need to do it all and be it all
I found a way to live a purpose filled life
And…I had never felt happier or more real in my whole life
And then another gift appeared….
My application to go to Texas and become a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator (curriculum developed by Brené Brown) was accepted. In Texas, I learned:
What my shame (unworthiness) was and where it came from
Why vulnerability was necessary to live a wholehearted life
How to practice self-compassion
Why I needed to have people in my life who could sit in the empathy seat
That knowing my values was essential to the life I wanted to live
That I needed to own ALL parts of my story
That I wanted to live a brave life and for me that was to live authentically and to help others through my own journey
Most importantly, I decided that I wanted to be the adult that my grandson would grown up to be
And here I am today….in a life that has clarity and authenticity.
I know that there are times in our lives when we want to orphan the parts of our story that we aren’t proud of…
We can choose to be grateful for knowing the darkness in order to truly appreciate the light.
My life today is incredibly bright because I know both the darkness and the light, and I am grateful for both. This is my story…and I own it….ALL OF IT!