“The opposite of addiction is not abstinence, it is connection.
— Yohann Hari, author of Chasing The Scream and Lost Connections

It doesn't really matter how you hurt yourself....pick your poison....the important thing to notice is that it is seemingly okay with you to hurt yourself.  No big desire to care for yourself, love yourself, treat yourself with kindness and respect.  That is learned behavior.  The idea is to get underneath this and find your way back to caring for yourself as if you were your own friend.  Connection to self will end up being incredibly important.